On the Run
by georgiegirl14
Summary: When Bella's life goes all pear shaped, she is forced to run from her past. But what if her past catches up to her? *CONTINUED* AH, E/B
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I have attempted to write anything due to family issues. However a couple of weeks ago this literally popped into my head and would not disappear. It is a one shot and for once, I'm kind of proud of something I wrote. I hope you all enjoy.**

From my position on the porch I could see the wind kick up his brown hair, blowing it side to side. Sitting cross legged on the sand, his back was stiff, as his glaze fell over the ocean and the sun setting behind it. How many times had I wished I could hear his thoughts, read the cause of tension and apprehension behind his green eyes? While I was sure I could guess the majority of it and while he was willing to voice his concerns, I still always felt as if he was hiding something deeper. The guilt gnawed at me again. It was a constant; the guilt. All I ever wanted was for him to smile and be happy and live a normal life.

It was unfair. Not for me but for him. He was the one missing out and the only one not to blame. I was just happy to have him in any capacity, regardless of the circumstance. I thanked God everyday for the fact that he was here with me. Yes, I had no reason for complaints. I had long ago accepted that life threw us curve balls and things changed in the blink of an eye and all you could really do was appreciate each day as it came. And I more than appreciated his presence in my life.

I watched as he fingered the sand at his side. Grabbing a fistful and then staring as it slipped through the slits of his fingers. He seemed mesmerized by the simple action. I loved the innocence of his movements, the way his mind worked and learned with each new experience. I could watch him all day and never get bored.

I looked around the property we now called home, for however long that was, and couldn't help but feel comfortable here. The house was small but large enough for the two of us, with a porch that literally wrapped around it and complete with the porch swing I was currently occupying. The house sat on several acres of land but by far the best thing about it was the fact that beach was only yards from my front porch. I loved the smell of salt in the air and the cool wind that blew over the water. I wondered if the air conditioner ever needed to be turned on here. This was the first place in a long time that actually felt like a home. Maybe this time we could stay.

I went back to watching EJ and couldn't help myself from thinking about his father. The pain never lessened or dimmed, I had just learned how to live with it. There wasn't a day that went by I didn't think of Edward. There wasn't a moment I didn't remember of my time spent with him. He was and would remain until the day I died, my lover, my best friend. It had been 6 years since I last touched him and the memory of that night still burned heavy in my mind. Not just because of the way he touched me or brought me to the peak time and time again with his hands and mouth and body. It wasn't just because of the words he whispered of how he loved me and would miss me. It was more than anything because that was the night he gave me EJ, the son he would never know.

I choked back a sob thinking of how Edward would never meet the sweet boy that looked and acted so much like him. It amazed me the similarities between two people that are connected in every way yet never have met. At 5 years old he was the spitting image of his father, except for the unruly hair that was my brown instead of Edward's bronze. They shared the same intense green eyes, so hauntingly, perfectly matched that it almost felt like it was Edward standing next to me. The similarities didn't end with the eyes or the untamable hair, their posture mimicked each others, his long frame, much longer than most 5 year olds, told me that he would indeed also get his height from his father. But the most shocking of all was the same crooked smile that graced EJ's face. He was in every way his father's son.

Edward and I had grown up best friends. Our parents were close and some would say it was natural we would be too, both being only children. However, that wasn't the case. It was as if there was a force stronger than both of us that drew us together. Even at 5, I never felt safer than I did when Edward was holding my hand. We were each other's first everything. No one understood our bond, no one thought it would last; high school sweethearts rarely did. But we knew we would prove them all wrong. We would be the exception. Ironic how the only thing that could tear us apart was death itself.

He truly was my life. He held me at 12 when my mother finally succumbed to cancer. Then at 17 when my father and last surviving family member, was shot and killed in the line of duty. He reminded me every day that I wasn't alone. I sometimes wonder if that was the reason God blessed me with EJ, knowing that my time with Edward would be so short.

I lived with him and his parents, Carlisle and Esme when my father had been killed. We made plans for our future. College, marriage, kids…. Everything so perfectly planned out. Well until Edward changed everything.

A month before graduation, I was sitting in my room studying for finals that were coming up within a week, when Edward burst through the door. He had a small smile on his face but his eyes betrayed nervousness and anxiety. I remember feeling frightened because I knew the moment I looked at him that my life would never been the same. He sat on his knees, between my legs, as he recounted the Army recruiter he had spoken with at school earlier. He held my hand and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles as he spoke with pride and conviction, that he just knew this was what he was supposed to do. He brushed the tears away from my cheeks as he explained that this changed nothing for us. I was to continue on with the dream of college, we would write and speak on the phone and when he got home, he would marry me. He kissed the tracks of my tears as he placed a small velvet box on my leg and told me that I was the only thing in the world that made sense to him, that he would love me for eternity and then asked me officially to marry him.

There was no hesitation in the yes that sprang forth from my lips and then I kissed him with as much love and passion as I felt for him in that moment. It's bittersweet looking back at it now. The decision that changed the future combined with the proposal that I'd always dreamed of. I looked down at the simple oval cut solitaire gracing my left hand and rubbed my thumb on the underside of it. It hadn't left my finger since the day Edward placed it there and it never would.

A month after graduation, Edward boarded a plane for LA. I never thought I'd go through anything harder than saying goodbye to him that day. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Three months later, I was living on campus and trying to make it through every day without Edward. It was hard being separated by such a great amount of space and time, but I knew with every day gone, it was one closer to when he'd be back in my arms. Every day I sprinted out to the mailbox, eagerly awaiting a letter from Edward. It surprised me at how quickly and frequently they were received. Sometimes he spoke of what he was doing or where he was at but most of the letters held memories of the things we had done and the hopes of all the things still yet to do. We emailed each other as often as possible but they usually only consisted of quick hellos and I love yous.

I remember returning from classes one Thursday afternoon and rushing to the mail slots downstairs to find another letter from Edward. I was as usual, beyond ecstatic to read each word that he had written. I had finally made it back upstairs, throwing my bags and phone on the bed in my haste to read the letter. I was always like that regardless of the frequency of his letters because for those few minutes it took to read them, it seemed as if we weren't separated by thousands of miles but that he was right there with me.

The knock on the door both startled and annoyed me. I seriously contemplated ignoring the insistent banging on my door but wanted my few minutes with Edward to be untainted and uninterrupted. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the moment I opened my dorm door and came face to face with Carlisle. It's strange looking back now, how I can remember every detail of his face, from the purplish bruises and obvious tear stains from under his eyes, to the grim and slightly hard lines of his mouth. His hair, usually immaculate, stuck up on all ends as if he was pulling at it and in that moment all I could think about was the fact that, that was where Edward got it from. It was his eyes that haunted me in dreams for months and years after. The beautiful blue had dulled and were glassy from unshed tears.

I saw his mouth move but never heard the words he spoke. Even to this day, I have no idea what he said. I just knew. The second I looked into his eyes, I felt it all the way down into my soul. Edward was gone and I had believed at the time that my soul was gone as well. My life crashed down around me as my body crashed to the floor.

The next few days went by in a blur of people and sympathy. The countless bodies that came and offered condolences all flashed black before my eyes. Faceless, nameless people offering comfort and support that I didn't want or need. I stuck to Esme and Carlisle like a shadow, in my mind they were the only ones that knew of the pain that surrounded me, they were the only ones to understand. I stayed with them after the funeral; school, work easily forgotten. The pain swallowed me whole and it was days before I would move from Edward's bed. I don't think I would have then, had the violent sickness in my stomach, not propelled me to the bathroom. Carlisle held my hair back and soothed a hand down my back. He brought me food and water when the dry heaves finally let up, that remained untouched on the nightstand. Finally after a week of barely eating and constant throwing up, I collapsed on the floor of the bathroom.

When I woke up I found myself in a hospital bed with Esme at the foot and Carlisle holding my hand. Both had smiles on their faces that radiated happiness. It scared and comforted me at the same time. Because I couldn't understand what they could be so happy about. It was then that Carlisle uttered the only words that could change everything, that could bring me back to life.

I was pregnant.

I wiped away the few tears that escaped my eyes at the memory. The feelings that washed through my body paled in comparison to those I felt that day, but still strong and vibrant. Edward had left a piece of himself with me because he knew I would need it to survive. I truly believe that had it not been for EJ, I wouldn't be here now.

I changed everything about myself from that moment forth. I became healthier, ate regularly, exercised; all in my efforts to provide Edward's child with all the safety and love I had. He gave me something to look forward to, pulled me from the grief. He was my second chance and one I so desperately needed.

Only some of the changes were not welcomed. Esme, who normally was laid back and welcoming, became overbearing and suffocating. She monitored my food intake, the amount of rest I received. She worked day and night on a nursery, not allowing me the option of having an opinion on it. Into my seventh month it became obvious to me that the only reason I was still in her home was for the sake of Edward's child. She had completely withdrawn from me and only spoke to me in regards to the baby. I noticed fighting amongst herself and Carlisle and the strained atmosphere of the house just became too much, so I decided to find a place of my own. I looked in the area of Forks because it was to me the perfect setting to raise a child and regardless of the problems between myself and Esme, this baby would always know his grandparents, or so I thought.

I finally found a small house just 10 or so miles from their home and paid my deposits to move in immediately. I was excited with the possibility of creating a home of my own with my child. I hadn't taken in account Esme's reaction to the move though. To say she was furious was an understatement. She ranted and raved about me taking the baby from her and her opinion of my inability to raise him myself. She threw out the fact that I didn't have the kind of money she and Carlisle had, even though my father's life insurance was more than enough for me to live off of, that I was inexperienced in the raising a child and had no idea what I was doing. Carlisle attempted to calm her down but if anything it made her madder. She accused me of sleeping with Carlisle and wondered out loud if the baby was actually his instead of Edward's. She screamed at me, calling me a whore and bitch and blamed me for Edward's death. That was my final straw, I gathered my things and left the only home I'd known for years and refused to look back.

I kept in contact with Carlisle and learned that he and Esme had spilt. He tried to convince her to go into therapy but she refused each time. He was convinced that her reactions were delayed symptoms of grief for Edward but she was only the shell of the woman he once loved and could no longer bare the hatefulness that radiated from her. It pained me greatly, at the time, that after all the pain and loss, that their once fairytale marriage had been destroyed.

I will forever be thankful to Carlisle for the days preceding and after EJ's birth. He helped me move into my new home and painted the nursery walls. He held my hand during the 13 hours of labor and delivery and he cut EJ's cord. He told me, while holding EJ for the first time, that he would always be a grandfather to EJ and a father to me and that no matter what, he would stand behind us. Carlisle and EJ were my family, maybe not the only ones I wanted but definitely the only ones I needed.

EJ was a beautiful and sweet baby. He was more than I could have ever hoped for and each day I loved him more. I had taken to motherhood with more ease and grace than I thought possible from myself. But again, EJ was a sweet baby and he made it easy on me. He was a little over 6 months old when my truest and longest nightmare began. I never would have imagined what lay in the manila envelope that was delivered by courier so early on a Tuesday morning. My mind went through all the possible ideas of what it could have been but never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate what it actually was. Esme was taking me to court for permanent custody of EJ.

Carlisle was outraged and obtained a lawyer for me immediately. The next couple of months flew by in a string of meetings with my lawyer. He was confident that nothing would come of the trial but had some concerns regarding witnesses that were going to be testifying on Esme's behalf. We reviewed each of the 3 witnesses and with Carlisle's help were able to determine that they were former employees of the Cullen's. We all agreed that it was strange that they would be testifying at all but assumed they would be character witnesses for Esme. Imagine our surprise when during the trial it was not Esme's character they paid witness too.

All three testified to seeing different men traipsing in and out of the Cullen home at all hours of the day and night. When asked for specific dates and times, they each pledged that the occurrences were so often it was impossible to remember the days it happened and would have been easier to determine the days it didn't. According to each of them it happened after Edward's funeral and throughout my pregnancy while I lived in the Cullen home. They also testified regarding the relationship between Carlisle and me. While those allegations were not untrue and the affection was there, never had it been more than the affection a father would show his daughter and vice versus'. However, in light of the influx of men that supposedly came in and out of the home, it painted us both in a bad way, considering Esme and Carlisle's pending divorce and the fact that neither of us could deny our feelings towards one another. While my lawyer was able get our side of things spoken, it still created reasonable doubt, especially since it was our word against theirs.

Photos of Carlisle leaving my home with EJ in my arms and him kissing my cheek or forehead were submitted as evidence. Esme's team justified that while they were tame in nature, the pending divorce and settlement caused us to keep our guard up in fear of being caught and Carlisle being shown as a possible adulterer.

Life as I knew it, once again became utterly unrecognizable and all the while I sat and watched Esme's smile grower larger and larger as the days of the trial continued. It was 2 days before the verdict and even my lawyer admitted that it could go either way. Esme had been shown well in every possible way. He truly feared that she would receive temporary custody and I would receive visitation rights. It was my worst fear realized.

Carlisle took me home that night; I was in no way capable of driving myself. As soon as he pulled in the drive, I was out of the car before it had even stopped and flying into the house to hold EJ. Carlisle found me sitting on the floor of his nursery holding EJ and crying and begging him not to leave me like his father. I can barely remember sitting there or had any idea what was coming from my mouth, I only know what Carlisle told me of that night and the words that finally caused me to calm down and come back to earth.

He explained that from the beginning of the trial, once we were acquainted with the surprise witnesses, he had been planning EJ and my disappearance, if the need arose. He went on to tell me of a trust fund that he sat up for me and EJ upon hearing of my pregnancy. It currently had somewhere in the vicinity of five million dollars sitting in it. He had cleaned it out earlier in the week, in a withdrawal in my name. He knew that if we planned on running that it mattered little if the authorities knew I had withdrawn it. The fact that it was set up long before the trial cleared Carlisle of any suspension. He had also secured us passports and several fake identifications. I immediately wanted Carlisle to come with us but he feared that it would hinder our hiding out since two people were easier to hide than three. But he also had responsibilities to the hospital that had been so good to him over the years, add to the fact that his divorce wasn't legal yet and the odds were stacked against him going with us.

We devised a plan in those late evening hours of how to retain some contact between us, with the hopes that he would one day be able to join us. He attended medical conferences in Atlanta in April and Oct of every year. So it was decided that he would rent a locker at Peachtree Station and house only important information and money there during the times he was in Atlanta. Then I could go anytime between those months and get the contents of the locker. He called the station the next morning from a payphone near the courthouse and made the arrangements to secure locker number 215. A key would be waiting for Mrs. Matthews at the gate for immediate pick up the following day.

So the next morning as the verdict was being read, EJ and I were on a plane touching down in Atlanta. I kept my cell phone next to me and waited for the call I knew would come. An unknown number flashed on my screen a few minutes later and went straight into voicemail. My hands were shaking as I played the message and heard the words I had been dreading for weeks, "She won. Run.".

I crushed the cell phone with the heel of my boot and threw it in the nearest garbage can, retrieved my key for the locker and then I loaded myself and EJ on the next flight to New York and from there England.

Hiding and running was easier than I thought it would be. I never stayed in any place longer than 3 or 4 months and never had any need to be out in the public eye except for the occasional shopping for clothes or groceries. Carlisle and I remained in contact with the help of the locker and every six months or so I made a trip back to the states, long enough to check it and then return overseas. In the last couple of years it contained little more than notes, asking how we were, that we were missed, and that he hoped to join us soon. In return I left my own notes inquiring on his health and job and pictures of EJ and the new things he did.

The last note Carlisle left was dated over 2 months ago and I had yet to open it as we detoured from Mexico to Italy, our current home. I had yet to read it between running to catch our plane and getting us settled in Italy. But bringing up old memories had reminded me of the unopened letter and I found myself wandering through the house looking for my worn and faded backpack. Having found the letter, I made my way back to the porch and reminded EJ to wash up for dinner. He ran up the sand covered walkway and once close enough he flashed me my favorite crooked smile.

"What's for dinner tonight momma?"

I returned his smile and ruffled his hair. "I was thinking octopus!" I couldn't help but laugh at his quenched up face, as he shook his head back and forth. It was a game we played every night, trying to see who could find the most disgusting thing to mention for dinner. While EJ might have been Edward made over, he acquired his pickiness of food from me.

"Nah!!! I was thinking mud and worms!" He giggled this time at the face I made, as I conceded victory.

"How about spaghetti? We are in Italy after all."

"Yay, my favorite!" And with that he bounded into the house, as I reminded him to take off his shoes and to wash his hands well.

I turned Carlisle's envelope over and over in my hands, wondering if this time it would contain his plans to join us. I missed having a friend, a confidant but more than anything I missed Carlisle's unwavering support and strength. It saddened me terribly to know that EJ was missing out on such a wonderful grandfather. I turned the envelope over again and noticed for the first time that there was writing on the backside.

READ ASAP

My mind ran through the millions of things that could be wrong. Did Esme know where we where? Was something wrong with Carlisle? As illogical as it sounded, where we finally free to go home? My eyes scanned the beachside area out of instinct and found nothing out of the ordinary. So with slightly shaky fingers I tore the envelope and unfolded the letter inside.

The letter only consisted of 4 words, the first of which were; Call me. But it was the last 2 words that caused me to gasp and the letter slowly fell from my hands to the porch below. I didn't notice when my body slid to the ground or hear EJ's cries of "Momma" carrying through the house. All I saw where those 2 words flashing nonstop and in continuous loops through my mind.

He's alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, I lied. I had thought that by writing the original one-shot, I'd get this damn story out of my head. Not so. If anything it only haunted me further. So I have decided to continue into a full length story. I have a basic idea/concept of how I want this to go but mostly, I'm just flying by the seat of my pants. So if you would like to take this ride with me, you are more than welcomed.**

**I am changing the rating on this and I hope that doesn't disappoint anyone. It will be M. I thought long and hard about this and I truly felt I would be doing a disservice to Edward's character by not telling the story this way.**

**Finally, I want to thank everyone that read/favorited/reviewed. Honestly, some of the reviews brought tears to my eyes because I understood exactly where some of you were coming from. What, where, why? You were right. I couldn't leave it like that; my mind and heart just wouldn't allow it.**

**I do not own Twilight and never will.....**

The flight to Seattle was probably one of the most trying and exhausting one's since the first. I had become, over the years, accustomed to airports. The total miles EJ and I had flown were in the thousands, I was sure. However this flight was different. We were going home. Home to Edward.

It was difficult containing my excitement and nervousness over that fact. Six weeks had gone by since my call to Carlisle. Six weeks of worrying and stressing over what was going to happen once my plane touched down in Seattle. I had wanted to catch the first flight out after receiving Carlisle's note but speaking to him and realizing the extent of what was going on at home, I reluctantly agreed to wait.

I was filled with anxiety after my long conversation with Carlisle. He explained that Edward had been a POW for the last 5 years. He had been tortured, starved, and beaten the entire time and was only a shell of the boy we had once known. But the most terrifying thing was the fact that he was suffering from amnesia. The doctors were unable to determine specifically if it was due to a head trauma or a psychological one. While it did appear from the exams and scans preformed after his rescue and return to the states that he received multiple head wounds, nothing could be pinpointed within a time frame because Edward himself didn't know. Carlisle said upon returning home, Edward was volatile and unresponsive to any support him or Esme provided. It was clear from his tone and the hurt that dripped from it that Edward wanted nothing to do with the life he once had, including me. As a matter of fact, Carlisle was convinced that had he not told him about EJ, that Edward would have already been long gone and possibly never seen again. While he wasn't thrilled with the fact that he had a child, he was at least determined to provide for it.

I, however, wasn't a part of his plans. Apparently Esme attempted to do whatever within her small ability to influence Edward and paint me in the worst possible light. Carlisle said that she had become an alcoholic and even more bitter and hateful as the years passed. He had hoped Edward's arrival would change her ways and had his homecoming been a happy one for all parties concerned, it might have been the changing factor. But she was vengeful and spiteful of the fact that after finally having her son home, he no longer wanted anything to do with her. She pushed and tried to guilt him from day one and if anything it only further aggravated Edward. Carlisle had tried to tell him the truth of what happened after his supposed death, but it simply came down to the fact that Edward didn't know who to believe and therefore trusted no one. It was a; he said, she said situation and no amount of convincing from anyone was going to change that for him.

Not only was I walking into a potentially confusing confrontation with Edward, there were still questions and worries in regards to the legal actions that I was facing for taking EJ during the custody battle. Regardless of my reasons, in the eyes of the law it was kidnapping plain and simple. Edward agreed to keep my homecoming private for the time being, while Carlisle used the last six weeks doing everything in his power to see what could be done in order to prevent jail time. He had already secured me a lawyer and was using his considerable influence and money to see if anything could be done. It was agreed that I would have to turn myself in eventually and deal with the consequences of running but I was unsure of how I would be able to do that and take the risk of being away from EJ for any considerable amount of time. I knew he would be ok with Carlisle and eventually Edward (or so I hoped) but it didn't change the fact that EJ was my life and without seeing him or hugging him, I didn't know if I was physically capable of that separation. I expressed my concerns to Carlisle and he told me not to worry over it right now and if worse came to worse he was not above paying the appropriate people off. It consoled me enough to at least wait and see how this reunion went and go from there.

The reunion. I had practically begged Carlisle to let me speak to Edward, I wanted more than anything to hear his voice, to hear him say my name. I sounded pathetic to my own ears but I couldn't help myself. I had lived everyday of the last 5 years grieving for him, feeling like less than a whole person but the moment I read those words on the note Carlisle left me, everything shifted back into place. I know it was wrong and illogical to assume after hearing of Edward's condition that things would ever be the same between us again but I couldn't help but hope and I knew that I would never give up that hope, no matter what faced me in Forks.

The overhead light for the seatbelts came on, pulling me from my thoughts. Just a little while longer and we'd be home. Back to my hometown, where all my best and worst times happened. EJ would finally see his grandpa and by a twist of fate, his father. I ran my fingers through his unruly hair and couldn't help but smile. There was no doubt the minute Edward laid eyes on EJ he would immediately know he was his son. If nothing else happened between Edward and me, and at most we were ever just friends, it would be worth it if EJ had the chance to know and love his father. No matter the emotional pain it would cause me, this is my greatest wish.

Breathe Bella, I reminded myself. Edward was alive and all you have ever wanted was his happiness. Whatever that might be.

I spotted Carlisle before he did us. I watched in quiet amusement as he excitedly shook his head back and forth, obviously looking for our arrival. 5 years didn't change the handsome man in front of me, with the exception of the hint of more gray and the few wrinkles that creased around his eyes. He was standing no more than 10 feet in front of me, offering his profile. Even had there been numerous changes, I would have recognized those blue eyes anywhere. He had been my rock since the moment my life turned upside down and without him, I have no idea where or what would have become of EJ and I. I owed him everything and he was as much of a father to me as Charlie had been and I would always love his as such.

I was within touching distance when he finally turned to his left and caught my eye. My lips turned up into a wide smile as it registered that I was standing beside him. Before I could blink he had his arms around me and was turning me in a circle right in the middle of the terminal, causing me to let go of EJ to prevent him from falling over in the excitement. I found myself laughing harder than I had in years as Carlisle continued to swing me around, chanting "Welcome home, Bella" over and over again. I could pinpoint the exact moment that he remembered EJ when the spinning stopped and he jerked away from me, turning his head to the side and down. I was still in his arms but with enough distance to clearly see the look on his face. His body tensed and he stared at EJ with something akin to shock but within seconds his body relaxed and his eyes took on a glassy look from unshed tears. He turned back to me just as one lone tear escaped and rolled slowly down his cheek.

"Is that…he…oh my God…Edward?" He choked out the words, desperately trying to find the right thing to say.

I pulled myself from his arms and grabbed onto one hand, turning us and stepping up to EJ, who was now looking between Carlisle and I in strange bewilderment. He knew we were meeting Carlisle and he had seen a handful of pictures of him, so I assumed his apparent nervousness was not from Carlisle himself but from the attention our display of affection had shown. I flashed him a reassuring and loving smile and I received my favorite crooked one in return. Carlisle gripped my hand tighter and let out a small grasp at the sight of Edward's smile duplicated on his grandson's face.

I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped me as I pulled him down so we were both eye level with EJ. He looked at Carlisle for a brief second, thinking, before he threw his small arms around his neck and buried his face into Carlisle's neck. I could tell my presence was no longer needed as Carlisle pulled away from my hand and wrapped his arms all the way around EJ's tiny body and lifted him in the air. The tears that he had been fighting against finally won and flowed fast and hard down his face. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt the warm wetness slide down my throat and fall onto my shirt. Carlisle looked up with a smile so bright I was sure I'd never seen it grace his face before he pulled me over to them and we stood in the Seattle Airport huddled together in a reunion that was years in the making.

We finally made it to the car and settled in for the long drive back to Forks. Carlisle, EJ, and I caught up but mostly spoke over each other, as the excitement remained. We carefully avoided the subject of Edward while EJ was awake. He knew the basics about his father, where, when and why's. But the emotional and psychological strains would neither be welcomed nor understood by EJ. The moment he relaxed and after an hour or so of driving fell asleep, I couldn't resist any longer.

"Carlisle, tell me the truth. How bad is it really?" I asked but noticed that is grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"Physically, he looks different. Thinner but with more muscle mass, his hair is the shortest I've seen it since he was a baby, but all in all he looks like Edward. Mentally and emotionally, well that's a different story. He's guarded, untrusting, and prone to lash out at the drop of a hat. He only lived with me for a week when he returned home but it was long enough to see and hear. He sleeps very little and when he does he wakes in cold sweats, screaming and crying from the nightmares. He's quiet, almost scarily silent. Always looking, thinking, and watching. Bella, you will just have to see it to believe the difference."

"He and I have made a somewhat tentative truce. Well, more like he tolerates me when he has too. However, it comes with learning his ways and moods. Baby steps, I suppose for lack of a better word. He becomes angry when you ask him to remember things about his past or when he feels like he should feel a bond or connection to someone he doesn't. At first Esme was constantly trying to "jog" his memory. She pushed his favorite books and movies at him; hell she even put him in front of his piano and pushed his fingers into the keys in some desperate attempt he would remember how to play."

Carlisle sighed and his grip if possible tightened even further. "At first I think he wanted to remember, to have some sort of normalcy. He allowed her to do all those things and more, hoping to bring forth anything he could hold onto, but it only lasted a few days before he exploded in a rage, trashing everything in sight and leaving. It took me 3 days to find him; I tried to convince him to return, promising we wouldn't push him anymore. He wouldn't. When Esme found out where he was living, above Pete's bar, she harassed him day and night. Finally, he told her to never come around him anymore and that he wanted nothing to do with her. Or at least that is what I surmised from the conversation, she was crushed and defeated and drunk before she rented a car and driver and left to go back to Seattle. I haven't heard from her since."

"Did I tell you that they told me Edward was alive before anyone else?" I shook my head, waiting for him to continue. "My address and phone was the only one on record. I knew I had to tell her as soon as I found out and couldn't bear the thought of her learning by phone, like I had. I drove to her house in shock; honestly I don't even remember the drive. When she finally opened the door, I had barely gotten the words out before she launched herself into my arms, laughing and crying. She pulled back and Bella, I swear to God, my Esme was looking right at me. I don't think I even realized at the time, the amount of hope that sprung up in me. It was only later, after everything happened with Edward and she left again, that I felt it. It was like she stole my heart all over again."

I reached over and pried one hand from the steering wheel, rubbing comforting circles on the back of it. He turned and smiled at me and it was much like the smile he gave me the night he told me that EJ and I had to run. I remember the way that Esme and Carlisle were together, before Edward died, before the allegations of an affair happened. I had always hoped and prayed Edward and I would have that type of love and devotion. It still amazes me how quickly that could and did change. But more than anything it was a stark reminder of everything that Carlisle lost. He had been truly alone all these years whereas I had EJ to comfort me in the storm. Hope to him was a fragile thing and I hated to see it crushed, not only by Esme but Edward as well.

"Sorry, I'm getting away with myself. It's been too long since I've had someone to listen to me that knows what really happened back then." He flashed me quick smile and we both settled in quietly and comfortably for the remainder of the ride.

I watched the familiar landscape pass outside my window and tried to calm my raging emotions and thoughts. I was going in a million directions, thinking of the past, thinking of what was coming. I willed myself to live in the moment and deal with everything as it came and finally was able to relax somewhat when I realized we were pulling into the Cullen's long driveway.

Carlisle cut the engine and I expelled a shaky breath. Memories of the last time I had been in the Cullen's home flooded through me and I attempted to push the hurtful thoughts away. Luckily, I still had some time to gather my thoughts and feelings before coming face to face with Edward. Due to the late hour of our arrival, Carlisle had made the arrangements with him to come over tomorrow. But tonight I would be sleeping in Edward's bed once again and knowing that he had recently been there filled me with both comfort and nervousness.

Carlisle pulled EJ from the car and was taking him up to the guestroom. We shared a quiet goodnight in the foyer, I knew my way around. The place had changed quite a bit from the last time I had been there. It was obviously that Esme had taken the majority of the wall hangings and furniture. It filled me with saddest looking at the almost empty home, one that used to be so bright and comfortable and filled with love. Apparently Carlisle cared little for replacing the items that were taken and that thought only made me feel even worse for him. The sense of loneliness seemed to vibrate off the walls.

I found myself wandering from room to room until finally I took in the family room. The grand piano filled the space even more so with everything else gone. Lifting the lid, I found myself gently stroking my fingers over the black and white keys, never applying enough pressure to cause the keys to make any noise to keep from disrupting Carlisle and EJ. Other than Edward's room, this had always been my favorite in the house. Edward and I had spent many rainy days and nights in here. He would play for hours and I would sit beside him on the bench, leaning my head against his shoulder. I couldn't remember a time in my entire life that I felt more peaceful or content.

A chill settled against my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. The electricity buzzed around the room like a live wire and it was a feeling I knew only too well. My heart pounded so loudly I was sure that it could be heard all through the house, as I tried to steady my all of a sudden harsh breathing. I knew what I would find when I turned around. I could feel his eyes burning straight through me and I was both nervous and ecstatic to finally be face to face with the father of my son and the man I would love until the day I died.

I finally worked up the courage to turn to face him, only after reminding myself that I couldn't run and jump in his arms like I truly wanted too. Even with Carlisle's warnings and my own imagination, nothing could have prepared me for the sight of Edward standing in the entryway of the room.

His arms were crossed over his chest and feet crossed at the ankle, as he leaned up against the door facing. I took in every ounce of his long legs incased in black boot cut jeans that fit stung to his body. The grey t-shirt only enhanced his toned stomach and chest. He was no longer a man in a boy's body, this Edward was all man. I continued my perusal, taking in the short red hair and tense set of his jaw, saving my favorite part for last.

His eyes. They say that the eyes are the windows to our soul and it was true in Edward's case. In his I could see everything. He could never hide behind an emotion or thought whenever I looked there, they always betrayed him. I expected to see curiosity or confusion but I never thought I would see nothing. His eyes were dead. No emotion shined through them and it completely scared me that Edward could look like this. I could feel the distance and coolness rolling off of him in waves and all the stress of the last few weeks finally caught up to me.

My vision started clouding over and I felt myself swaying side to side. My last conscious thought was of the man in front of me, as the darkness enveloped me and his name fell from my lips.

"Edward"


	3. Chapter 3

**Words cannot express how sorry I am over how longs it's been since I have updated. In Feb, my family and I had a medical crisis' that literally has only recently been somewhat resolved. My head as been all over the place since then and not here. I can't promise that it will be better (updating wise) but I can promise to try because this story does mean a lot to me.**

**Thanks to everyone that has read, reviewed, and favorited. I love knowing that someone out there likes this and feels at least some type of connection to this story. I love hearing your thoughts and suggestions and would love any feedback you have.**

**This story is unbeta'd. Of course I run through it and hope for the best but any mistakes, I apologize in advance too. Also, I wasn't planning this but it will now be alternating POV's. However, I cannot tell you that one chapter will be EPOV and one will be BPOV, I write whichever speaks to me. There might be 10 EPOV's and 15 of Bella's. I just don't know until I write it. Also, none of those will be overlapping POV's. God knows I hate to read the same thing twice so I will not willing subject anyone else to that. I might touch on a point here or there, as you will see in this chapter, but I will not only retell different sides of the story. **

I couldn't get over the similarities. Why it surprised me, I wasn't sure. I knew Carlisle had been telling the truth all along, I could tell. Esme's story was born out of hurt and jealousy and the moment I looked into her eyes I knew she was lying. I wondered briefly why she continued the lie even after I had returned but the thought quickly diminished because I just didn't care. If I had shown any interest at all it would have appeared that I was more than curious, which could have lead her to think I possibly believed her and put stock in her stories. But even knowing that she was lying I still wasn't prepared for coming face to face with my son.

His hair, his cheekbones, hell his hands, were all mine. I had seen the pictures of myself from when I was a child and it was almost as if the picture had manifested into the person lying on top of the too large bed. I couldn't and wouldn't tear my eyes from the sleeping child. I had no fucking clue what I was feeling but something kept my eyes glued to his tiny face, causing me to memorize every feature.

I didn't know how to be a father. I didn't know who I used to be and I barely knew who I was now, though I was certain who I was not and had no desire to ever be the boy I was told I once was. I didn't want a fiancée I didn't know or want a child I've never seen. I wanted nothing to do with this life and yet here I was thrust right into it. After the disastrous weeks I had spent with Carlisle and Esme, I was more certain than ever that I needed to get the fuck out of this town. It was only after learning about EJ, I knew I couldn't. I was stuck and everything about that pissed me off. I felt like I was in that cell again thinking I was never going to get out. Before Carlisle told me about Isabella and EJ, I wanted to run so far away, I'd never be found. I wanted nothing more than to start a new life somewhere where no one knew me, wanted me, or expected anything from me. All that changed the moment I found out I was a father. I just couldn't walk away from my son but I wasn't going to lie to myself and say I wanted any part of this; being a father but I knew I had a responsibility to him anyway.

I had been filled with dread all day waiting for their arrival. What would I say? How would I react at seeing them? Would I have any memories or reactions to seeing the woman I was supposed to have married? I expected nervousness and trepidation; however both emotions were beyond anything I could have imagined.

When I had walked into the family room and watched the petite brunette gently run her fingers over the keys on the piano, I could do nothing more than watch her, much like I was watching EJ now. Nothing could have dragged my attention away from the soft brown curls hanging down her back or the smooth feminine lines and curves of her hips and legs. I wanted to look away, be anywhere but there in that moment but something pulled me to her, something I couldn't explain.

I watched her for countless minutes until she finally turned and looked directly at me. The shock was evident, while I assumed she took in the changes in my appearance. Obvious disappointment flashed through her eyes and it burned me like a hot poker straight from the fire. Anger, unjustified, but anger nonetheless coursed through my body and even now I couldn't explain my reaction to seeing her blatant disappointment. I watched as she closed her eyes and swayed a bit, luckily it donned on me that she was fainting and I was able to gather her in my arms before she hit the floor.

As if things couldn't be more confusing or my feelings more jumbled the feel of her in my arms and the electricity that blanketed my body took me off balance. For the first time in my short existence or what I remembered of it, everything felt; right. I hated it and her for bringing me a calm I had yet to experience. Why her? Why now? But most importantly, why couldn't I do it for myself? From the first moment I remembered, I tried to put my life in focus, make decisions based on what I needed and wanted and no matter what I did or tried it always felt like something was missing. Until that moment, with that tiny woman in my arms.

I placed her on the couch by the window and was at a lost for what to do. My hand moved, as if on its own accord, and brushed through her soft mahogany locks. It felt like silk in my hands and I was watched as the strands fell thru my slightly opened fingers. I could have sat there forever and wondered how long I actually had, before I noticed that she was stirring. My name fell from her plump, pink lips and I felt the warmth of her voice travel the length of my body. I had to get away from her, I had to move. I didn't understand my mind or body's reaction to her and truthfully wasn't sure of how much more I could stand before I touched her more or kissed her lips. Everything about her disturbed and confused me and I shot out of the room without so much a backwards glance. Carlisle was coming out of his office and I was for once glad to see him. He rushed down the stairs, immediately going to check on her and I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything in me wanted to follow, to see if she was ok but I couldn't risk seeing her again so soon. I made it almost to the stairwell before I noticed a soft glow coming from the guestroom and instantly knew that was where EJ was.

This brings me here, sitting by the bed and staring at the small child fast asleep.

When I first laid eyes on him the feelings that coursed through me, while different from that of his mother's, where still just as strong. I had no idea how long I sat there and watched him breathe slowly in and out, it could have been minutes or hours and I didn't care. The same sort of peace came over me and I wasn't scared with him as I had feared and I realized why. He didn't know the me everyone else had. He had only stories and words, not actual memories. I could start fresh with him without the fear of him expecting something I was incapable of. I still didn't know what it was that he did expect or if I could even meet those expectations but with him, I was more than willing to try because maybe we could like each other for who we are in this moment. Nothing was hanging over us, no history, no lost dreams. It was freeing in a way I had yet to experience with everyone else in my life, including Isabella.

I tried not to think of the woman downstairs with Carlisle and yet she kept on creeping up into my thoughts. Looking at EJ as he mumbled in his sleep, once again brought her to the forefront of my mind. While it was hard to see for certain because he did look so much like me, EJ still had small traces of his mother in him. The button nose and small forehead for instance. I briefly wondered what color his eyes were, green like mine or the deep chocolate brown of hers.

I heard the creaking of the stairs and the movement of a body in our direction. Somehow, I knew it was her. The closer her steps came the more the spark of awareness filtered through my body. This conversation was going to have to happen sooner or later but I preferred later, after I was able to come to grips with the wide range of emotions I had faced tonight.

I didn't turn to face her as the door opened wider, instead keeping my focus on the little boy still sleeping peacefully. The tension was almost its own entity and thick enough to cut with a knife. I was about to break the silence when her voice filtered through the air.

"I can't believe how hard he's sleeping. He was out almost the entire plane ride." Her words seemed innocent enough but I could tell she was attempting to hide her nervousness by keeping it simple for now. It appeared that we both chose to ignore what had happened earlier downstairs. A small jerk of my head was all I offered in way of acknowledgement to her words and it was all she needed in order to continue.

"He's always been like that. Just been able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime. I've envied him for that."

I needed to know more about him. "What does he like? What is he like?"

"He loves books and taking long walks and frogs and baseball." I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke of him. "He's sometimes quiet and completive. I always wonder what he is thinking in those times but he never tells, even when I ask. He's smart for his age. He can read and write and knows his numbers, even though he won't start kindergarten until this year."

"His favorite food is spaghetti and he's wanted a dog longer than I can remember but our lives were never really concrete enough for that. He wants to learn to ride a bike without the training wheels but refuses to let me help him, claiming that he's a big boy and can do it himself."

I had to smile at the image of this stubborn child, refusing his mothers help. I wondered if he would allow me to teach him but that thought brought on another.

"Does he know why he's here?"

She sighed and hesitated briefly before answering. "Some. He knows that he's here to see Grandpa Carlisle and that he is meeting someone special. I wasn't sure what to say to him about you, about anything until I spoke to you first.

I'm sure you have questions, concerns about what happened. I know what Esme has told you, what Carlisle has told you and I want you to know my side of things. None of what Esme said is true. You have to understand what happened and how everything just kind of got messed up when you died, I mean disappe…."

"I know." I had to interrupt her. I didn't want to hear the story told again and I didn't need her explanations. "I know that he's mine."

The hesitation was expected, as well as the shock, as she whispered a broken, "How?"

"I just know. I believe Carlisle." I still hadn't turned to face her and was determined not to, if it could be helped. "I'll take responsibility for him. Whatever terms of visitation you want, I'll agree too. Think about it and let me know. I'd like to meet him officially in the morning."

"Of course."

"And if you don't mind, I'd like to sit with him a little more tonight Isabella?"

"It's Bella and you can stay as long as you like. Ummmm….maybe you and I can talk more in the morning?"

I could hear the hopefulness and expelled a long gust of air from my lungs. I had hoped not to have to say it, that there wouldn't be any expectations from her, like there had been with Esme and Carlisle. I needed to set her straight now and hope to avoid her believing that this was going to be anymore than what it was. "Unless, it pertains to EJ, we really don't have much to discuss. We can work out a schedule for me to spend time with him and I'll stay in the guesthouse until you and he are comfortable with me taking him on my own. But we are not going to be reunited lovers or get married or be anything we once were, we have a child together and we will raise him together, which will require a mutual respect, but I don't want you thinking this is going to be more than that. Ever."

"You don't know me anymore than I know you, so don't assume to know what I want, feel, or think. Goodnight, Edward."

It was my turned to be shocked. Once again, she had caught me off guard and once again it was a feeling that I knew I didn't like. Maybe there was more to Isabella Swan that I had originally thought but was uncertain if that was necessarily a good or bad thing. I turned my head to the side and caught her profile briefly before she turned completely away from me and headed down the hall. The unwelcomed emptiness that accompanied her leaving the room pissed me off but didn't stop me from whispering my next words.

"Goodnight, Isabella."

The morning came and with it my resolve had strengthen. The rollercoaster of strange and unexplainable feelings was disregarded and forgotten, at least for now, in the wake of the morning light. It was imperative that I remained focused and undeterred. I hated the confusion I felt last night and it was important to me that I remain in complete control of my thoughts and emotions. I knew, more than most, what it was like to have no control over your own life and I refused to allow myself to feel that again. Whatever came when EJ and Isabella walked down those stairs, I would deal with it but on my own terms.

I had been up most of the night, sitting with EJ, only to return to the guesthouse a few hours ago to shower and change clothes. I was running on about 36 hours without sleep and knew that I would need to crash soon. I only ever slept a few hours at a time anyway, partly because it was all I could seem to sleep but I preferred it anyway. The few hours I was able to sleep were riddled with nightmares or should I say; nightmare. Always the same but never explainable. Blurry images and mumbled words were shouted over angry explosions and gunshot fire, the only things I could make out. They had started shortly after I returned to the states, while I was still in the VA Hospital in DC. Ever since then there wasn't a time when I closed my eyes that I didn't have it. It rolled like a loop through my brain, never changing.

I shook the dream away, as muffled voices came from the top of the stairs. Carlisle had been up and getting coffee in the kitchen when I returned from my shower. We exchanged a polite good morning and I exited before he could say anything further. I could see the wheels turning as he tried think of where to start. But in all honesty there was nothing to say. Carlisle had at least attempted not to push too hard in regards to my memory, unlike that of Esme. And I appreciated that. However, he would find himself talking about nothing in particular and accidently reference a past event or make the mistake of saying something to the effect of, "Do you remember when you and …." He would never finish his statement and the conversation would trail off into awkwardness. It was too hard for him to control his thoughts and memories and he shouldn't have too. Like me, he should be able to think or feel or say as he pleased and just like me he had the option to not want any of it either. I respected him and even somewhat liked him but I could not be the son he once had and didn't feel the want or need to ever be again. I had to figure out my own way before I could be anything to anyone. Unfortunately I didn't have this option with EJ but as I had hoped last night, maybe we could figure it out together.

A thundering of tiny footsteps came from the stairs and I braced myself for my first face to face with an awake EJ. I had no doubt that Isabella had explained to him who I was this morning, he had seen pictures I'm sure so there was no need to pretend to be someone else. I wondered about the questions he asked and the answers she gave and what he would ask of me. I vowed to always tell him the truth, regardless of what it was. However, there was just so many things I didn't know.

He rounded the corner with Isabella hollering in his wake but stopped abruptly when his eyes locked with mine. I heard Carlisle utter a good morning to him and felt Isabella's presence in the room but nothing could tear our eyes from each other. In the morning light it was even more apparent the similarities between us and I knew he was taking them in as was I. His eyes flickered from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and back up again before he finally broke out into a crooked smile. I couldn't stop myself from returning the same grin, as he walked over to me, looked up and offered his hand.

"Hi, I'm EJ and your Edward, my dad." I bent down so we were eye level and took his little hand in mine.

"That's right. It's nice to meet you." I shook his hand and watched as he was thinking over something. My heart was pounding a mile a minute as I waited for his next words.

"My mom…" We both glanced over at her, still standing in the doorway. She was obviously crying but attempting to hide the fact from EJ or me or both of us, I was unsure. She smiled an encouraging smile at EJ and then briefly at me. I tried to return the acknowledgment but EJ had already turned his sights back on me and continued talking.

"said that you would want to learn about me. About the stuff I like and the things I like to do?" He formed the last thought as a question and I was quick to reassure him.

"That's right. I want to know everything about you." The smile that broke across his face was worth any amount of torture I had endured during my captivity. What surprised me the most was that every word was the truth. I did want to know everything about this little boy.

I felt a tug on my hand and realized that I was still holding EJ's. He started towards the living room and front door, talking a mile a minute.

"I love baseball. Do you like baseball? We can play catch. Do you wanna play catch?" The questions were still rolling off his tongue as he reached the door and turned to smile at me again. My answering smile and nod was in acknowledgement of his questions. He pumped a little fist in the air and threw open the door. The rarely seen sun blinded us as we stepped onto the porch. It was the first time I'd seen sunlight since arriving in Forks and the way it played on the green grass and mossy trees made it seem almost dreamlike, a whole new world. I blinked against the golden rays and looked back down at EJ. Like so many other times in the last couple of days, an strange feeling came over me. Although, I wasn't sure not having remembered feeling this way before, there was only one way to describe it.

It felt like I was home.


End file.
